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The views and opinions expressed herein do not necessarily state or reflect those of VGGEN.com as a whole or any of its affiliates. This is simply one writer's opinion, and should be accepted as such.

Here we go again! And a long route to boot! At least flying from Grom’Gol to Kargath isn’t so bad… The warm tropical air makes it easier to sail along. Too bad I got saddled with this Tauren Warrior though. He’s heavy as hell, and his plate armor is poking my back. And his fiery mace is burning me. These things are clearly flying hazards! I wonder why the boss let’s them fly that way. I wish they would invent storage boxes to store their dangerous stuff in…

So why do they collect such sharp objects anyway? Some of them wear these huge black eye patches, so you’d think they learned their lesson! And what if they poked my eye out? What then? I’m not sure I could navigate the sewers in Undercity with just one eye… That place is waiting for a mid-air collision as it is…

One of my griffon friends told me that the gnomes were working on an “air traffic control system” that would see where other griffons are to avoid collisions. Wouldn’t that be cool? Last I heard though, one of the signal rockets they used to control the griffons’ flight paths blew a huge hole into one griffon’s wing and nearly made him crash into a lava pit in Ironforge. I guess that project still needs work… At least my friend says that the griffon is all right and having a good time on disability leave. 

Which brings me to my next vacation. I’m not quite sure where I want to go. Going back home to Thousand Needles to visit my folks is always a bad idea. Apparently some idiot decided to send his friends to collect our eggs. I really should get some revenge for this. Then again, I’d have to deal with my brothers and sisters… And I really would like to go someplace where I can do nothing and just be left in peace. I just want to lie on a sunny rock all day, wagging my tail in the warm breeze. Hmm… Maybe I’ll head to Azshara instead…

Ouch! Doesn’t he realize that poking me in the ribs won’t make me go any faster? I wish I could just toss him. We’re just flying over the Stranglethorn Vale lake… Oh! It would be so fun to toss him into it! Maybe he’ll drown with all his epic gear. Snicker. And then I could watch the search parties circle the lake with their green Eyes of Kilrogg. That would be such a laugh! But then I’d be in loads of trouble when I get back. They’ll put me on the Undercity route for sure. They know I hate flying there. 

Undercity airport amenities are the worst! No sunlight, no fresh air and no good food either. Just lots of dead and undead things crawling around... And I really wish that they could just put in some boxes or decent, clean perches. I mean really! They can’t seriously expect me to hang face down from those iron hoops like a common bat? What do they take me for?! This puts my fur on end just thinking about it! Hehehe… I guess my brave warrior doesn’t like turbulence… Gasp! If he clings to me any harder I won’t be able to breathe…

Looks like he calmed down now that it’s smooth sailing again… So where was I? Oh yeah: Undercity and its denizens. The Undead are so creepy. They feel like cold fish on my back. And I always worry that they may slide off. That’s so stressful! The boss is always harping on us that we need to keep our no accident record forever… Anyway, the Undead smell so bad too. I always try to take off quickly when I get assigned one. I also never quite know if they smell bad per se, or if it’s all the stuff they carry in their backpacks. I could have sworn I heard one saying he just got some special bat guano from a place called Razorfen Kraul. Who would want anything to do with bats, and with their guano in particular? That’s just plain weird. 

Come to think of it, I don’t really like trolls that much either. They have bad posture and sit weirdly in the saddle. And they always look like they’re up to something mischievous. Always mumbling to themselves and then scaring me half to death when they decide they have to buff themselves with lightning balls in mid-flight. Why do they need those during the flight? Can’t they take that stuff off before boarding? All this really interferes with my navigation systems and makes me forget where I’m supposed to be going…

So of the whole lot, the only ones I really like are the healers.  They’re so nice to me. Always polite, asking if I’m in pain or if I need anything. They love inspecting my various scratches and burns and then healing them. That’s really nice of them. Sometimes they say if I fly well that they’re going to give me a buff. I really like those. I’m not sure what they do, but I did notice that I do my best thinking when they’re around. Sometimes I also feel very strong and powerful. Must be their special healers’ aura…

Oh! We’re nearly there. I’d better pay attention now and start planning my descent. It takes so much effort to coast down gently with such a sack of potatoes on my back. Got to watch out for that tower and those patrols now! *lands safely* Ooff! I’m really glad that guy is off my back. And no “thank you,” as usual! How rude! Well, I’m off to my break now, so at least I can relax and think about nothing for a little while...

As usual, if you have any comments, complaints, concerns, or fan mail, send them to weeklywow@vggen.com. I’ll try to answer all E-mails personally, and you may wind up in a future mailbag column.

Posted: 01/15/2007

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